I'm 25 weeks pregnant today. And I don't have a picture to share. And I'm not going to share one later today simply because I feel like an obese whale and see no sense in documenting this feeling.
My body is hoarding fat and piling on the pounds. I'm not kidding. Between Friday morning and this morning (4 days), I have gained 3.4 pounds.
Yesterday alone I gained ONE POUND. Did I eat ice cream out of the carton or fries dipped in cheese sauce all while lying on the couch eating a side of bon bons? No. I watched what I ate throughout the day, didn't binge on snacks or eat a thing after dinner. I had 8 servings of fruits and vegetables. I walked 10,000+ steps over the course of the day. I walked on the treadmill last night for a mile. All AFTER sweating and swearing my way through a 45 minute pregnancy workout DVD with weights! I even pooped yesterday (not a given for any pregnant woman, just ask her). And yet I still gained ONE FUCKING POUND.
I am trying not to freak out about this. Clearly I am failing. I know I should be overjoyed that I am pregnant and growing another life and I am so thrilled about these things and know that I am in a position that many women struggling with fertility only wish they were in. But that doesn't erase the anxiety and the feelings of disgust that are consuming my head right now.
And I still have 15 more weeks to go.
Maybe today I should eat ice cream, bagels and deep fried oreos while sitting on the couch doing nothing. It doesn't seem to matter either way, so what is the point in trying?