Monday, November 18, 2013

The moments of joy

Today was a hard day. A rough working mom day. L didn't feel good before school and I felt bad that I wasn't a SAHM who could keep him home today just in case. But tonight after feeding J and putting him to bed, I made it downstairs in time to do bedtime with L, something Todd has taken over for the most part. I love bed time with L. It's a cozy time. And tonight was a sweet kind of special.

We read our 2 books- Giraffes can't Dance and Chugga Chugga Choochoo. Then his "one more book". Tonight was Say Please. After books he needed water and then all his stuffed animals had to be tucked in. Then I laid in bed with L and we talked. We giggled and hugged and cuddled. He wanted a story so I made one up about the octonauts - Kwazie and Barnacles helped Harold the hermit crab find a new shell (he took over hermit crab Lila's old shell). L loved the silly story.

It was a good end to a tough day. He reminded me how truly lucky I am. I get to be his momma. And that makes all the hard things seem not so bad.

Captured with Momento –

Friday, November 15, 2013

Emotional Mess

It's 10pm on a Friday night and I'm sitting at my dining room table with a glass of wine, the baby monitor, a to-do list, shopping list and multiple work files surrounding me.  Both kids are asleep.  The husband is out with a friends (I told him to make other plans because I had a night of lawyering ahead of me).  And I may or may not have gotten teary eyed in my boss' office this evening before leaving for the day.  (Do I get points for not full on crying?  Yes, the answer is yes.)

This working mom thing is rough.  With two kids its rougher than it was with one.  And this is our busy season at the office so I'm fully engaged at work, as in have enough work to work all through the weekend engaged.

Lawyering momma of two would be enough for now.  But I don't like to be bored so we're making life interesting.  We listed our house for sale 11 days ago.  We've had two showings and a third scheduled for tomorrow morning.  So the house has to be "show ready" at any given moment.  Did I mention that I have a three year old and a four month old.  Who have way too many toys and don't exactly like to keep things neat and tidy?  Nevermind the two adults that live in this house who are not exactly make-the-bed, clean the counters, vaccum the floors daily type of people.  If the house doesn't sell soon I might go crazy.  Or potential buyers will just have to deal with a less than perfectly tidy house.  But if we do sell the house we have no idea where we'll go.  I see a brief stint at my parents house in our future.  We can't decide on a neighborhood.  We can't even decide to stay intown or move to the burbs.  I honestly have no idea where our next house will be located.  It's an adventure, right?  Yes, the answer is yes.

Did I mention that the baby isn't sleeping well?  He's been waking up every 1-2 hours a night to nurse.  I haven't slept longer than 3 hours at a time in weeks.  Combined with my whacked out hormones and I'm a joy to be around.  Lack of sleep is serious business.  And I'm supposed to be making lawyerly decisions on no sleep.  Right, that doesn't exactly work.  So we're laying down the law and starting cry it out officially tonight.  Little man J cried for exactly 18 minutes tonight before falling asleep after rolling over on his belly.  I plan on doing a dream feed before I head to bed (where you feed the baby while he's still asleep) and then he's going to cry it out if he wakes up again anytime before 5am.  Last night was unofficial cry it out night 1 and he cried for a full hour at 3:30 in the morning.  It sucked.  But this morning he was all smiles and had no recollection of the evil mommy action of the prior night.  So tonight it's on.  Wish us luck.  (Did I mention I was drinking wine?  It's not a coincidence.)

Since I'm on this woe-is-me roll, I'll keep going.  My hair is falling out in clumps.  Clumps.  It is gross.  And I may have forgotten to clean the drain in the shower before our house showing last Saturday.  And the shower door was definitely open when we got home even though we closed it before leaving.  Yup, the potential buyers saw my drain hair.  Shocking that they didn't make an offer, no?

And the kicker, because there has to be one.  We have an appointment next week at Scottish Rite for potential cranial remolding for Julian.  In layman's terms, my sweet baby is likely to start wearing a helmet to correct his rather misshappen head.  I know, I know, helmets are almost chic these days for babies thanks to the whole "back to sleep" campaign.  But it still breaks my heart. 

Ok, I'm done now.  This is my life right now.  I know that nothing is life shattering or even a big deal, but it's just a bit much to handle all together at the moment.  I know that this too shall pass and soon enough I'll be sleeping all night,my hair will stay attached to my head, work will slow after the new year and Julian will have a round head in no time.  But for now, I think I'll have another glass of wine.

Toddler Talks

At the pediatrician for his three year checkup:
DR: How old are you?
L: Three
DR: What's your favorite food?
L: Mac n cheese & quesadilla
DR: What fruit do you eat?
L: Strawberries and blueberries
DR: What vegetables do you eat?
L: Corn and peas
DR: Do you brush your teeth at night?
L: yes
DR: Do you brush your teeth in the morning?
L: no
DR:Can you count:
L: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 18, 19, 20, ZERO
Dr: What's your favorite color?
L: Pink AND purple

Friday, November 8, 2013

Happy Birthday to Lukas!

My silly, sweet boy, Lukas, turns THREE years old today!  It seems like just yesterday that I was anxiously awaiting his arrival.  In carrying on with my birthday tradition, here's Lukas' 3rd birthday letter:

Last day as a two year old!
Mommy and her THREE YEAR OLD little boy!
My dear boy Lukas,

Buddy, you are THREE years old today.  This is crazy!  I look at your four month old little brother (who looks JUST LIKE you, I jokingly call him Lukas 2.0) and it feels like just yesterday that you were a little baby who couldn't talk or walk or eat anything other than milk.  How the times have changed!

You are still such a sweet, silly soul.  I get notes home from your teachers telling us how you make the whole class laugh and how loving you are to your friends.  And you are the BEST big brother.  You love Julian and are so kind to him.  You give him hugs whenever he is near you and want to get as close to him as possible.  If Julian is crying you'll tell me, "mommy, I think Julian wants some milk."  Or if he's upset in the car you talk to him and tell him we'll be home soon.  And your little brother absolutely adores you.  He lights up when he hears your voice and starts kicking his legs and flailing his arms.  I'm so excited to see you boys grow up together.

This year you're in preschool at Primrose.  You are learning new things every day and are a little sponge - I think you have your daddy's memory.  You can spell your name and you point out Ls on signs everywhere we go.  L for Lukas!  You can recognize all the letters of the alphabet and you can count to 20.  You love to read.  Right now some of your favorite books are any Bearanstein Bear book, I Love You Stinky Face, Curious George and all your Dr. Seuss books.

You are very into your toys and TV shows.  Your new obsession is The Octonauts.  Mommy is having a hard time learning all the characters, but you are constantly talking about Kwazi and Shelleton and driving the Gup-A.  You also love Jake and the Neverland Pirates (you even dressed up as Jake for Halloween last week!).  And we can't forget Special Agent Oso, the unique stuffed bear or Doc McStuffins.

You are such a good little helper!  You love to help mommy or daddy cook dinner.  You stand on your black stool and measure out the cheese, count the olives, help bread the chicken and mix the sides.  You also love doing yard work with daddy and helping him fix things around the house.  He even let you paint last week!  You are especially helpful with your little brother - you grab mommy diapers and burp clothes and toys for Julian to play with.

Lukas, I can't tell you how much joy you bring to my life.  3 years ago you made me a mommy.  You are the best gift I've ever been given in this life.  I love you with my whole heart and the sweetest words ever to be spoken are when you say "I love you momma".  My heart melts.  I love you sweet boy, happy birthday!


Now a walk down memory lane....

2011 - Lukas' FIRST birthday!

A year ago - Lukas' 2nd birthday!

3 years old!

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Toddler Talks

Early last Saturday morning I went downstairs when I heard Lukas jumping in his room.  The husband had been up all night with food poisoning so I let him sleep in.  (Is it bad that I was a wee bit jealous of his instant weight loss?  Kidding, kidding.  Sort of.)  After saying good morning to my little buddy I put the baby in his crib and hurried off to the potty.  Lukas decided he needed to pee too so he followed me in the bathroom (sidenote: peeing alone is a thing of the past once you have toddlers).  So I'm on the grown-up potty and Lukas is on the frog potty a few feet away.  Start scene:
L: Mommy, the water is coming out of my penis.
Me: That's great buddy.
L: Is the water coming out of your penis?
Me: (Holding back giggles).  Buddy, I don't have a penis.
Me:  (Trying to contain myself.)  No honey, girls don't have a penis.  Girls have a vagina.
L:  [Stares at me confused].  Let me see. 
Me: I think I hear your brother crying....

Monday, November 4, 2013

Lukas' Party

Well, there was a change in plans after my last post.  I hit "publish" and a within the hour I had an email in my inbox from a friend insisting that I allow her to throw Lukas a birthday party.  So yesterday afternoon we celebrated Lukas' 3rd birthday thanks to my amazing friend.  She did everything - bought the food and cupcakes, decroated her house with balloons and a happy brithday banner, bought Jake the Pirate themed plates and napkins, invited our friends and opened up her house to us. All I had to do was show up.  I am so thankful to have friends who swoop in when life gets to be too much.  Lukas LOVED his party and I could tell he felt so speciall all evening and couldn't stop talking about his new presents this morning before school.

So I have to say a very big thank you to Emily for making my little man feel very special for this third birthday.  Yesterday meant more than I can express in words.

Taking it all in as we sung him Happy Birthday!

The kiddos!

Blowing out his candle

For all you busy moms out there, please remember one thing: It's OK to ask for help and to ACCEPT it when it's offered.  It really does take a village.

Friday, November 1, 2013

F You, Pinterest

Lukas turns three in one week. And I haven't done a thing. I haven't bought him a present. I haven't planned a party. To be honest, there will be no party. I'm feeling very guilty about it. I feel like a bad mom. A failure. I see all these pinterest birthday party boards my friends have in plans for elaborate parties for their children and I simply can't get it together to even invite a few friends and their kids over for cupcakes.

We have a lot going on, it's true. We're listing our house to sell next week. We're on the hunt for a new car after the husband's car was totaled two weeks ago in a hit and run accident. I'm back to work full time and Julian is still waking up an average of three times a night. I've been on the verge of tears most days the past few weeks, and wound up crying on more than one occasion. It all just feels like "too much" right now. And the fact that the thing to go is my son's birthday party makes me feel awful.

It's mom guilt at its worst. I know I should let it go and that Lukas will not care or even notice that an extravagant party is not had. He'll be psyched about cupcakes, my parents coming over to celebrate and opening presents. And I'll send cupcakes and stickers to school so he can celebrate with his school friends. But it's hard not comparing to what these other moms are doing. Facebook and Pinterest display their thoughtful ideas and it just feels like I can't keep up.

I know it's not a contest. There's not a trophy for best mom. And I know that throwing a party does not a good mom equal. But I still can't let it go.