Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Why Mommy, Why? - Potty Mouthed Preschooler

Dear Why Mommy,

I have a lovely preschool aged son. He is a good kid, as far as 4 year olds go. He even has a little brother who he has yet to try to push down the stairs (he has perhaps fed him the cat's food, but it's full of protein, so we decided to let that one go and his little brother is a biter, so some cat food is mild as far as retaliation goes). Anyway, back to my problem. So this seemingly cute, nice, normal child has picked up some foul language at school.  Not foul in the f*ck, sh*t, c*nt four letter word way (although come to think of it he did yell SH*T the other night while playing a game with his parents and grandparents. And he's yelled f*ck a time or two. It's possible he was mimicking his father, certainly not his mother). Instead, he comes home from school singing these ridiculous songs about pee and poop and killing the bad guys. I feel like every other word out of his mouth is poop or some derivative thereof. What gives?  Is this just what little boys do? Should I be concerned? Do I ignore these sing-songy poop-filled songs or reprimand him?

Thanks for your help,
Mommy of a Preschool Pottymouth

Oh Mommy of a Preschool Pottymouth, welcome to my world.  And the life of boys. They love all things poop, pee, and penises (what's up with all the Ps?). Seriously though, I could have written this question myself because my 4 year old sings poop songs every day.  Sometime around Thanksgiving he came home singing a new little ditty that he learned at school from another 4 year old boy who just so happens to have an older brother. It's always the kid with the older brother. (So enjoy that, since you too have a younger son who will be the one teaching all his little friends at preschool poop songs soon enough- it's the cycle of life! Yay!). 

Anyway, so his song goes like this:  "THIS IS HOW I POOP ON THE POTTY, PLLLLLMMMMPP!" And at the end, as he's making the fart noise, he squats down as though he is actually pooping and makes this funny face.  I really wish I had it on video because it is equally horrific and hysterical. And the worst part about his little song is that his little brother LOVES it.  As in, he thinks it is the funniest thing in the world and will start laughing and laughing like I've never heard him laugh before, which just encourages Lukas to sing the song on repeat.  Which only makes his brother laugh more, which in turn makes me laugh and eventually we're all in a fit of laughter and there's no possible way I can tell him to stop.  And then the stupid song gets stuck in MY head and I find myself humming the song.  So yea, we're all about poop songs in my house.

This is one of those parenting times that you are unprepared for - your gut is telling you that you should probably be stopping the behavior and telling your child no, but you can't because you can't stop laughing.  Just try keeping a stern, unaffected face as someone does something genuinely funny right in front of you.  It is near impossible to keep the giggles down.  I simply can't do it.  So at this point, I've stopped trying.  We let the poop songs ring loudly throughout the walls of our house.  And as the book goes, Everybody Poops, so no big deal, right?

This would all be well and good if we never left the house, but we do.  And a 4 year old who loves making his brother laugh does not understand why the middle of the grocery store at 2pm on a Sunday is not the best time or place to sing about poop. So you'll find me shushing him (while giggling between shushes, which is really quite ineffective) out in public when he starts singing THIS IS HOW I POOP ON THE POTTY, PLLMP!  I try to explain that we don't sing about poop in public, but I don't have a really good reason so usually he ends up singing until I can distract him, unless I'm in an ornery mood and he gets the hint from my "not now" half eye roll look.  (But I consider those my bad parenting days, so don't follow that example). 

So yea, little boys love talking about poop and singing about it too.  I say just roll with it because the more negative attention you give to something your child is doing, the MORE he will want to do it.  Little f*ckers are smart.  

And just remember you're not alone - I'd say most moms of preschool boys are living with little preschool pottymouths.  It's part of the joy of being a boy mom!

Why, Mommy (of a Preschool Pottymouth, too)

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